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6/16: kyouka
[ The moment votes were cast, Natsuo had left. He didn't want to hear the results. He didn't want to be a part of it at all. So he picked himself off and left— slow, staggering, blood seeping through the bandages around his stomach that dots a trail from the garden back inside the castle.
He probably wouldn't be able to get very far, but the path he takes is directly up the stairs to his room, and he can be intercepted at any point between the garden and there. ]
He probably wouldn't be able to get very far, but the path he takes is directly up the stairs to his room, and he can be intercepted at any point between the garden and there. ]
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[ Don't want it to be him? Even after a confession like that, he wants to cling to the idea that people are good. Somewhere. Deep deep down inside, sometimes. ]
I needed to hear his whole story, so I can get what he's thinking. I want to know why.
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Do you think he'll tell you? It looks like he's kept up a facade for far too long.
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There's no point in keeping things hidden anymore, right? He'd already said all of that earlier. But if he talks, people can help him, so why wouldn't he?
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[ It's all things she's thought about herself, about all her crimes, about her existence. The only difference is she's never denied how awful her murders were.
(She's only ever denied her instinct has been honed to kill.) ]
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I want to help. I'm going to help. That's what matters here. How is he supposed to accept help if people think like that and there's nobody to offer it?
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You'll keep trying no matter what.
[ That's what she gets from this. ]
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[ It's selfish, but that's just how people are. Selfish. Some might confuse it with confidence. ]
That's what everybody does— Everybody's weak at first, but whatever you believe in, keep trying at it no matter what! That's how you win!
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... When were you weak?
[ She doesn't think he's smart, but she can't see him as anything other than headstrong. ]
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I'm weak right now! I'm not making any progress and I'm not doing anything right, and that's why I've gotta keep trying! The strength I have isn't enough!
[ Can you be the self-proclaimed strongest person in the castle and still call yourself weak? Yes, because what strength he has isn't enough; as long as people are dying and this game is being played, he's not enough. ]
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[ Kyouka's eyes widen, and she looks down. He has self-awareness that she doesn't. She doesn't want to kill anymore, but her body moves before her mind catches up.
Sometimes, even when her mind does— ]
Can you really make progress that way? What if the things you try are still wrong? And they continue to be wrong?
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Then you keep trying something else! You do everything you can, and if that still doesn't work, you go to somebody smarter and beg for help! There's no shame in that!
[ There's probably some shame, but he doesn't have any. It's the larger scheme of things; some things are worth a little kowtowing. ]
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How do you ask: how can you stop yourself from attacking someone on instinct? ]
... It's not something I know how to ask for help with.
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[ It's that simple, apparently, to just be direct with what you want. Natsuo might not be able to answer her questions to any satisfactory extent, but encouraging her not to be afraid to ask, that might be something he could do something about. ]
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[ That's the least she can do even if it's not that simple.
She is a direct person, but it's not in the safest way. ]