6/16: kyouka

[randori]

[ The moment votes were cast, Natsuo had left. He didn't want to hear the results. He didn't want to be a part of it at all. So he picked himself off and left— slow, staggering, blood seeping through the bandages around his stomach that dots a trail from the garden back inside the castle.

He probably wouldn't be able to get very far, but the path he takes is directly up the stairs to his room, and he can be intercepted at any point between the garden and there. ]

Comments

[nivation]

[ She'll follow him to his room, so he can rest at least a little. He's obviously still bleeding.

It's creepy, but she's quiet, and once he lays down, she'll speak: ]

Why did you vote for yourself when you didn't do anything wrong?

[randori]

[ holy hell at least say something if you're in the room

He'd collapsed onto his bed without really thinking about whether he'd slammed the door shut or just sort of nudged it closed, but apparently it was the latter. He rolls over onto his back, head turned to look at Kyouka. ]

...I had to vote for somebody. I didn't want it to be Akechi, and I didn't get to get hear Ann's reason either.

[ It was a repeat of last week all over again, Sharpay unable to say why murder, why these people— and this week, why two of them? ]

[nivation]

[ No door can't be opened if it's not magically locked. ]

You would excuse his murder?

[ She's never quite understood his logic even when it's obvious it's his emotions at play. ]

[randori]

I'm not excusing it, I just...

[ Don't want it to be him? Even after a confession like that, he wants to cling to the idea that people are good. Somewhere. Deep deep down inside, sometimes. ]

I needed to hear his whole story, so I can get what he's thinking. I want to know why.

[nivation]

[ Sometimes, not always. Perhaps Akechi has a good reason, perhaps he doesn't, but Kyouka thinks he should accept his guilt. She has. Even the Port Mafia doesn't deny the terrible things they do. ]

Do you think he'll tell you? It looks like he's kept up a facade for far too long.

[randori]

I dunno. If he doesn't tell me, I can beat him up and make him talk. [ He'd almost broken Akechi's spine back there in the trial to no avail, so ymmv. ]

There's no point in keeping things hidden anymore, right? He'd already said all of that earlier. But if he talks, people can help him, so why wouldn't he?

[nivation]

Maybe he doesn't want help. Maybe he isn't used to help. Maybe he thinks no one would help.

[ It's all things she's thought about herself, about all her crimes, about her existence. The only difference is she's never denied how awful her murders were.

(She's only ever denied her instinct has been honed to kill.) ]

[randori]

I don't care. [ Who cares what Akechi thinks, right? ]

I want to help. I'm going to help. That's what matters here. How is he supposed to accept help if people think like that and there's nobody to offer it?

[nivation]

[ ... That's selfish, but she has no reason to protest and has no argument against it. ]

You'll keep trying no matter what.

[ That's what she gets from this. ]

[randori]

Yeah! No matter what!

[ It's selfish, but that's just how people are. Selfish. Some might confuse it with confidence. ]

That's what everybody does— Everybody's weak at first, but whatever you believe in, keep trying at it no matter what! That's how you win!

[nivation]

[ hm ]

... When were you weak?

[ She doesn't think he's smart, but she can't see him as anything other than headstrong. ]

[randori]

[ HE DIDN'T DIE ON PURPOSE......... ]

I'm weak right now! I'm not making any progress and I'm not doing anything right, and that's why I've gotta keep trying! The strength I have isn't enough!

[ Can you be the self-proclaimed strongest person in the castle and still call yourself weak? Yes, because what strength he has isn't enough; as long as people are dying and this game is being played, he's not enough. ]

[nivation]

[ hm mkii ]

[ Kyouka's eyes widen, and she looks down. He has self-awareness that she doesn't. She doesn't want to kill anymore, but her body moves before her mind catches up.

Sometimes, even when her mind does— ]

Can you really make progress that way? What if the things you try are still wrong? And they continue to be wrong?

[randori]

[ asdflkjh Ara I haven't even had breakfast yet, it's too early for memes ]

Then you keep trying something else! You do everything you can, and if that still doesn't work, you go to somebody smarter and beg for help! There's no shame in that!

[ There's probably some shame, but he doesn't have any. It's the larger scheme of things; some things are worth a little kowtowing. ]

[nivation]

[ He has no shame. She shouldn't be surprised, but she has a lot of shame.

How do you ask: how can you stop yourself from attacking someone on instinct? ]

... It's not something I know how to ask for help with.

[randori]

You just ask! Like how you did with me- whatever questions you have, if you want answers, all you have to do is ask!

[ It's that simple, apparently, to just be direct with what you want. Natsuo might not be able to answer her questions to any satisfactory extent, but encouraging her not to be afraid to ask, that might be something he could do something about. ]

[nivation]

Not all questions have answers, but I'll try.

[ That's the least she can do even if it's not that simple.

She is a direct person, but it's not in the safest way. ]