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6/24: monika
[ Today was... a day. It still doesn't feel quite real, everybody making a big deal out of everything whereas for Natsuo, it'd just felt like a dream. Taking a nap Thursday evening so he can stay awake throughout the night- and then he opens his eyes and it smells like dirt and he couldn't move or breathe. That was more terrifying than anything— it felt like drowning, heavy, cold, and alone.
But the smell of dirt now is something he takes comfort in, finding his way back to the gardens he walked through earlier in the week, back when he was so certain and happy about all of this- as happy as he could get, anyways. He sits down in the middle of the path and then lies down, hands folded over his stomach and him squinting up at the darkening sky, waiting to get found and trampled on or forgotten or whatever it is he was hoping for. ]
But the smell of dirt now is something he takes comfort in, finding his way back to the gardens he walked through earlier in the week, back when he was so certain and happy about all of this- as happy as he could get, anyways. He sits down in the middle of the path and then lies down, hands folded over his stomach and him squinting up at the darkening sky, waiting to get found and trampled on or forgotten or whatever it is he was hoping for. ]
hi card
[ she steps back, keeping her hands on his shoulders while her eyes search his face. ]
>:(
...I've been sad a lot. A lot of my life- looking back, they weren't all good times. But there are things to be happy about here, and people that make me really happy. You make me really happy. Can't I hang onto that and forget all the rest?
CARD I LOVE YOU
I wish I could say yes. But I can't. I know you're strong enough to live a real life. You're one of the strongest, bravest people I've ever met. If anyone can handle the bad along with the good ... it's you.
tonight i learned what betrayal is
...I'll try. I don't think I'm all that strong or brave, but if you're there with me, maybe I'll be able to handle it.
slams betray over and over
Don't worry. We'll do this together. You don't have to be scared as long as I'm here.
[ teasing him, just a little bit, with his own line. ]
no!! monika had better come back to life on sunday so i can kill her myself
...I'm not scared. [ He's not. He dips his head and buries his face in Monika's shoulder. ] I'm not.
[ He's terrified, of everything- of dying and killing and not being able to protect anybody that he loves. It's terrifying. Even with Monika here, how is he supposed to face all of that? ]
no subject
[ It's not to mock him; these are just soothing little nothings that she whispers in his ear, meant only to comfort him, remind him that she's right here. She wraps her arms around him and hugs him as close as he'll allow her, gently stroking his hair with one hand. ]
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear ... not absence of fear." Mark Twain said that.
[ Monika presses a kiss to his forehead, tender as anything. ]
Being brave isn't about not being scared. Fearlessness just means being dangerously reckless. The essence of bravery is to choose to keep moving forward even when you're at your most frightened.
no subject
He pulls back a little, catching Monika's hand and bringing it down, clasped in his. ]
...
[ He closes his mouth. Swallows. Tries again, echoing his words. ]
Together. As long as you're here, I won't be scared.