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6/24: eichi
[ It's later at night than he would have liked, standing in front of the wind dorm door— not even the door that opens to the bedroom he'd shared with Eichi and Akechi, but the dormitory itself, like it's the castle doors barred to him.
He has a partner now. He's no longer a stray, to be taken in out of kindness or pity or what he hopes was something of friendship. But he doesn't want to say goodbye, either- he'd made promises, after all. Even though he'd been breaking them left and right all week. ]
He has a partner now. He's no longer a stray, to be taken in out of kindness or pity or what he hopes was something of friendship. But he doesn't want to say goodbye, either- he'd made promises, after all. Even though he'd been breaking them left and right all week. ]
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[He says that with a fond touch of his hand to Natsuo's cheek. Why does he have to talk like this he's embarrassing.]
Though, I did have a question... There was some sort of code in your wallet that others seem to recognize. Something about only giving it to those you trust... That can't be, though, right? Since I've never had a conversation like that with you.
[Eichi]
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You guys were digging around my wallet?! That's personal! Like a backpack or a pocket, you can't snoop inside that!
[ dead people have no privacy, apparently!! ]
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[Hahaha, it's the tackiest wallet and kind of endearing for that?] Now, can't you answer my question?
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It was a gift! I asked for it from the well! And if you saw the code, it's Morse Code! It's a universal language!!
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[Hmm!!] Aside from the morse code which revealed numbers I still don't understand, it also said "gold," which no one could figure out. Reyna-chan said you were color coding rooms with those you trusted. Is that true?
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The gold and the numbers were for Reyna, but it has nothing to do with trust! I only ever made that stuff up with her 'cause she thought a code within a code would be a good idea! Did she get the code? Did she understand it?
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[He wonders which it is?]
I'm glad it wasn't what I thought. It's lonely being left out, you know?
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Well, I taught her 'cause I needed to pay her back and I don't really have any other useful skills. If it's trust, I trust everybody...? But I dunno how fun it'd be for people to learn, so I didn't say anything unless people wanted.
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[He said so! But also, it's why he told Natsuo to trust no one, just now. (Even if he was a little worried, and wanted confirmation.)]
I believe that you may be safe from being a target, this time, but that's also what I thought last week... Ahh, I looked away for just a moment, so I feel partially responsible. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to prevent it.
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You're not responsible! I left on my own and made sure nobody else would get involved and that it all happened somewhere out of the way! That was what the plan was supposed to be!!
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I don't like hearing that sort of thing at all, you know? [He yanks on one of Natsuo's ears.] You're not a burden, so please don't speak as if you are. I was really scared, you know? Not only were you gone, but if Sandalphon-san hadn't confessed, none of us would have known who the killer was.
Goro could have been voted for, and no one left alive would know what happened. You can't simply run off on your own.
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It's not being a burden- it's so people wouldn't get caught up in all of that! I was going to make it so there would be no killer- I was going to save whoever they were going to target and make sure nobody kills anybody! Nobody has to kill! Nobody has to die! And nobody has to vote for anybody!
[ That had backfired so badly ]
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Optimism like that will get you killed again. Love can be a weakness, kindness can be a disadvantage, and if you don't learn that, you'll be ripped to shreds. [He sounds a little sad, as he continues.] I fear for that, Natsuo-kun.
As much as I'd like for you to keep that purity... I value your life even more.
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[ Nothing that'll up his chances of survival in a place like this where even your best friends might have their arms twisted behind their back at any given point in time, where the only person you can trust is yourself if you want to survive. That's not something he thinks he can do. ]
I still think it's better if we all worked together. I got as far as I did 'cause I had everybody else helping me. I got to enjoy a lot of my days here too, 'cause of everybody here! I don't want to let go of that, and throw all that back in people's faces!
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Ah, but then again, I believe nearly everyone must trust you. You're like the sun, Natsuo-kun. I can't compare to you, so perhaps I can't really offer you any advice, either. You're far more beloved than me.
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[ It just has to be one or two, evidently, to get him killed. But it's because of his approach that he'd gotten this far, and he'll hang onto that. It was because he trusted Shirasu, he'd trusted Sandalphon, he'd trusted the people who meant to kill him and it worked out. He believes in people more than coincidence. ]
Liking and trusting is different, too... The sun can still burn, you know? People call me stupid and foolish and loud and annoying, but I still like them and maybe they like me sometimes but not always. Relationships are complex, so you can't compare them like that.
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It's just like you.
[He's just still going with this.] You're right. I was wrong to suggest anything different in your methods. If anything, I should be learning a thing or two from you... but I wonder if I'm really the type of person who can.
[He glances down, between them.]
In any case... I hope that things go better for you, Natsuo-kun.
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But the sun itself... it's way up there in the sky where nobody can reach it. For the sun, that sounds really lonely, so I don't want to be like that. You don't have to make everybody happy, and I don't need to either. The small number of people I have right now, they've made it so things are already good for me. They've been good.
[ Despite. Everything. ]
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That's a nice way of looking at things. I hope, then, that things continue to stay good, and you can live through that. Selfishly, I'd like to keep calling you my knight.
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[ Not how to use it, but, just cleaning. He was serious about that, though; Dave's death hit him hard enough to pick up not only his sword, but his mantle of a knight and the promise to keep people safe. He just needs to figure out a way to do that. ]
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[It makes him sad to hear the word "use" since he used so many people, and was used himself. He never wanted to do what he did to Leo, he only wanted to be friends, and that just didn't work out...
So can he at least save this?]
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They don't have to be separate things, you know? Friends can use friends. Mm... "help"? Is the word "help"?
[ Don't they mean the same thing...? The fact that he's used- be it as a pawn, a servant, a dog- is something he's just sort of accepted as his lot in life, but somewhere deep deep down inside, he never truly dislikes it. If somebody uses you, you're useful. And that's the best feeling there is. ]
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Help is a very different word, you know.
[He laughs, though.] Help, yes. Friends do help friends, don't they? Then, we can help each other. I'm fine with that.
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Hearing something like that from you has me bracing myself. Still, of course I'd like to help. What is it that you need?
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But the most important thing— I want to hear you sing again someday. Okay? Promise?
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...Of course. I promise.