6/5: Sanji

[randori]

[ It's 6AM right when the kitchen opens, and Natsuo is there. He's not really hungry yet, but kitchens are always a nice place to be, and he hopes that he can find Sanji in here sometimes, what with the whole "I'll cook for everybody so long as they're here" promise. ]

You're going to keep doing this even though there's all that stuff in the dining hall? You heard what they [ those women. a war. battle royale. ] said about killing and stuff, right? What if people don't trust your food anymore...?

[ Poisoning is one of the easiest way to kill, clean hands and all. ]

Comments

[concasse]

... Morning.

[Nice to see you too, Natsuo. And apparently the kid is swinging with the questions already.]

I can't change what anyone believes, but I'm a chef. I cook as long as there are people to feed and those willing to eat what I make.

[Continuing along with his prep work, having already laid out a line of vegetables for chopping]

And I can guarantee one thing -- I won't poison my own food. I'd sooner cut off my hands.

[randori]

[ With nobody wanting to give him answers to anything, all he has are questions. Natsuo takes his seat on the stool, kicking off the counter every once in a while to keep spinning, slow and steadily dizzier. ]

I'll eat your stuff! As long as someone wants to cook for me, I'll eat it, 'cause home made stuff's the best! I'm just saying, won't you feel sad?

[concasse]

I won't.

[Bringing out a large knife, perfectly sharpened, though he inspects it with a critical eye regardless]

Shit's gotten dangerous, after all. We know the rules, but we don't know each other. And I already went on record saying I'm a pirate.

[A quiet shrug before he folds his fingers in, making sure the blade won't cut him as he starts chopping]

By that logic, no one should be trustin' the food I make. So I won't blame anyone for being suspicious of me, even if I'd never poison them.

[randori]

[ Natsuo laughs at that. ]

Yeah, you're a criminal! [ which. makes delights him for some reason. ] But it's because you're a pirate that I don't think you're dangerous. It's the same as being kidnapped: I don't have money. You won't get anything from killing me, or anyone here. You'll get more by stealing plates.

[concasse]

[That logic is both on point and completely wrong and yet Sanji can't help but smirk at the implications]

True, I there's nothing to benefit me like that.

Though to tell you the truth, even when I'm back home, I'm not much of a thief. My lovely navigator is way better skilled at that than me.

[randori]

[ If he likes cooking so much, he won't kill people he could be cooking for?? Optimistic, but Natsuo will hang onto that belief. ]

Navigator's the one that finds the treasure, right? And steal it too! What's left for you to do?

[concasse]

Babysit my captain.

[#DatStrawHatLife]

[randori]

[ If only he knew, Natsuo would get how hard a full time job that it, but as such... babysitting just sort of makes him squint. ]

How come you're not pirate captain? You look like the captain sort.

[concasse]

Do I?

[Now that's an amusing thought, though Sanji scoffs at it in the end]

No, my place is in the kitchen, making sure everyone remains well fed on the journey.

[randori]

Yeah, 'cause you're tall. Can you captain people from the kitchen? People have to listen to the cook if they want to live, so it seems sort of natural.

[concasse]

Well, technically the ol' geezer was a captain and a chef, so you're not wrong...

[Huh. Never thought of it like that.]

But no, being the captain's all about inspiring people. [Voice growing almost... soft]

Luffy's an idiot, but everyone on my crew would follow him into hell.

[randori]

[ An idiot leader... sounds familiar. ]

They'd follow you too, though, right? Everyone's on the same team! Like mine— we fight a lot and everybody's always trying to get a higher rank, but in the end, we're all nakama!

1/2

[concasse]

["They'd follow you too, though, right?"




... They would. And Sanji wishes they wouldn't.]

[concasse]

[-- No, he told himself he wouldn't dwell on it.]

We are nakama, but we're happy with our individual roles. I'm the chef because I want to be, just like Nami-san's the navigator because that's her passion. Zoro's the swordsman, Usopp's our marksman, Brook the musician...

And Luffy's our captain. That's the way we like it.

[randori]

Huh. I didn't know everybody's supposed to have different roles. I always thought a group of pirates were like... five swordsmen plus a swordsman with a big hat. Anybody who wears the hat is the captain, but it could be anybody. It's not like that?

[ gang, pirates, it's a way different world than he'd thought ]

[concasse]

[CHILD PLEASE]

Hell no! It'd be chaos every night and the ship wouldn't sail properly. Having roles is what keeps everyone's ass alive when things get ugly.

[randori]

[ Four swordsmen, a sailor, and another swordsman with a big hat, then. ]

When things get ugly, that's why you need five swordsmen! That way, everybody can take care of themselves, and even if the captain gets caught by the police and arrested, everybody else run away and regroup and be just fine!

[concasse]

You assume we can't take care of ourselves as is.

Everyone on my crew knows how to fight.

We just don't need goddamn swords to do it.

[Except Zoro but FUCK THE SWORDSMAN]

[randori]

So you can cook, and...

[ How does a cook fight? Instinct says poison, because that would take out entire squadrons easily, but Sanji already said it's against his principles to taint his own food. ]

Fight by throwing hot oil at people's faces?

[concasse]

[Well, it's not really a secret as far as Sanji's concerned, so:]

No, I fight with my feet.

[randori]

[ ... ]

Roll up your pants.

[concasse]

-- Why the hell would I do that?!

[WHERE IS. THE LOGIC??]

[randori]

If it's too tight, take it off.

[ better? ]

[concasse]

[NO]

I'm asking why you wanna see in the first place!

[randori]

I need to touch your legs!

[concasse]

But why?

[randori]

It's not a big deal, okay?! I need to see if you have human legs— there's that girl who's a robot and she'll be alright kicking things, but if you're human like me, you're just going to break your bones! Like this, see?

[ He rolls his his own pant legs- both of them- where there's still bruising all up the shin of one leg, and around the knee of the other. Natsuo was not blessed with fancy kicking powers. ]

[concasse]

[... A low, pained whistle]

The hell, kid. Did you try kicking in concrete?

[randori]

It felt like it. It was when we first got here, trying to break down the windows and walls and stuff. You tried too, right?

[ There's no way he just found a kitchen and decided to set up shop there ]

[concasse]

Yeah, I tried kicking down the door that led to the rooms. Was locked at the time.

[Just... sighing, as if reliving that memory]

That shit sent me flying down the hallway.

[randori]

[ Natsuo laughs. ]

That's how it got me too!

[ They're all a bunch of dumbasses trying to kick down doors when they're in a castle filled with heavy weapons ]

[concasse]

Yeah, but I'm a little more... durable than you are, kid.

[And it's here that he finally relents, rolling up one of his pants leg.

Hairy legs! But as far as bruising goes, there's not much present. Even without his super strength, just means he's as durable as a regular human being can get.]

[randori]

[ Natsuo won't be convinced until he tests it out for himself so like

without another word, he goes ahead and aims a swift kick at Sanji's leg, let's see whose shin will shatter first ]

[concasse]

[HELL NO HE'S PULLING HIS LEG BACK??]

The fuck are you trying?!

[randori]

I need to see if it's real! How else am I supposed to know you're not a robot with metal legs?!

[concasse]

Well too shitty bad, I don't feel like getting kicked in the shins right now!

[HUFF]

... And does it look like I got metal legs? Just poke 'em, they're real!

[randori]

[ The jury's still out about that one. Natsuo crouches in front of Sanji's legs, at the risk of being kicked in the face, and gives the left leg a poke. poke. poke. places both hands on either side of his legs and gives it a clap in between.

It's still hard to tell if they're real. ]

[concasse]

[They are rock solid just from toned muscle but jesus Natsuo, why must you be like this?]

I'm telling ya, I'm all human!

[randori]

[ Rock solid makes him feel less human. Humans are supposed to be soft with flabby legs. ]

Fine, I guess I'll believe you. For now. Only a human would know how to cook good food, anyways.

[concasse]

Your confidence is inspiring.

[ROLLING HIS PANT LEG DOWN]

Though do me a favor and maybe don't keep kicking shit if that's what your legs end up looking like.

[randori]

It's only those two times! Whatever building material the walls are made of- that's all I have trouble with! Wood and people and those sorts of things are all okay!

[ Don't underestimate his normal human legs ]

[concasse]

Alright, alright, I get it. No need to shout.

[Sanji can at least understand the irritation at having something that doesn't immediately break when you kick it.]

Then just don't use your kicking powers for evil and we're fine.

[randori]

I won't! [ he'll continue to shout, though, that's something he won't ever make promises about ]

And you too! I promise not to break my legs if you promise not to be evil!

[concasse]

[Jesus, Natsuo, don't ever change]

Heh. You got a deal, then.

[randori]

Yes!! Deal! No take-backs, okay!?

[ Awesome, now next time Sanji has to murder anybody, Natsuo's going to get his legs broken. It's not a fair deal at all. He'll capitalize before it comes to that, though- ]

Um. Um! Breakfast! Let's have omelets!

[concasse]

[If Sanji ever dies he's going to scream at Natsuo from beyond the grave for being everything that he is.

But at least for now he just smirks in amusement, already turning to fulfill that request]

Alright, one omelette coming up!

[randori]

[ why wait, scream now

they can scream at each other over delicious omelettes and we can wrap up this thread? ]

[concasse]

[Well it is Sanji, there will always be screaming.

AND YEP GOOD TIME TO WRAP UP.]